School refusal: Parents and experts call for compassionate approach to classroom anxiety

Refusal to attend school is rarely a straightforward matterSchool refusal is 'rarely defiance or attention seeking', says psychotherapist Alan Oates. Illustration: Paul Scott Maria McHaleWed Aug 26 2026 - 06:00 • 5 MIN READThere is a particular kind of exhaustion that belongs to the parents of children who cannot go to school. It is the exhaustion of watching a person you love being unable to do something as ordinary as walk through a gate.Emma O’Riordan’s son Eoghan (now 17), who has an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) diagnosis, first showed visible panic in the first year of secondary school. More anxiety crept in before coming to a head on the first day of second year. Eoghan was sitting in the car, pulling at his shirt and tie, turning bright red, struggling to breathe