Meet the ideal Russian, according to the Interior Ministry. He doesn’t argue online, visit foreign websites, or label anyone as ‘FSB’ in his contacts.

Russia’s Internal Affairs Ministry regularly publishes guidance for Russians on how to protect themselves from threats around them. But alongside reasonable and important warnings (like not sending money to strangers), these guides regularly include dubious, and sometimes downright absurd, advice. Here is a portrait of the law-abiding Russian the Internal Affairs Ministry would find satisfactory.