I’ll Pay Twenty Thousand Dollars to Skip Your Jazz Show

RE: Live Jazz w/ Johann & the Avant-Guard @ Vodou Bill’sHey, Johann,Headlining’s a big step, and I’m proud of you. You’ve planned to go solo for ages—since quitting your first band. It’s a shame that moody egoists also ran the next three. But now you’re in front, and you’re finally free—unlike Brooklyn rent. To stay in jazz’s capital, you’ll need an investor or a dead parent. And your mom jogs.So what I’m saying is, I’ll pay you twenty thousand dollars to let me stay home.Though I appreciate the invite! As the only Black person you know, I admire your dedication to my great-grandfather’s culture. I’m personally more about our work in the ensuing hundred years, but I respect keeping the flame alive. Supporting your solo début is an honor, from afar.How’s cash sound?I assume cash is easiest—