How to Stop Being So Defensive During Arguments

Here's a reliable way to tell that an argument has gone sideways: You started out discussing who was supposed to load the dishwasher, and you're now somewhere in the vicinity of a canceled dinner in 2019, your mother-in-law, or whether anyone in this household appreciates anyone else."It's like, ‘Wait, how did we get here?’" says Jessica Harrison, a couples counselor in Rhode Island. "That's a sign that somebody somewhere is being defensive."It can be difficult to recognize when you’re being defensive, because it rarely feels that way. It feels like accuracy—like you’re finally setting the record straight. Meanwhile, the actual problem—the one somebody worked up the nerve to raise—never gets solved. It’s now buried underneath four brand-new ones. As Harrison puts it: “Who can manage and co