The other night, I found myself in the unenviable position of trying to cook a salad. And I mean cook a salad: I spread fresh, delicious-looking gem lettuce in a pan and watched it wilt away into a sad, heated blob. America appears to be in the midst of an outbreak of—I’m sorry, but there’s no better way to say this—explosive diarrhea. More than 2,900 people nationwide have reportedly been sickened by the parasite Cyclospora cayetanensis, which has historically been spread through raw produce, i